Slowing Down Is Harder Than You Think

In my work world, where I make online classes to teach people business writing skills, I constantly preach slowing down.

Why do I preach slowing down? Because a lot of sloppy business writing happens when people are just going too fast. We have this cult of busy-ness in our society that says we have to always be doing and so we’re dashing off emails willy nilly and hurrying through writing blog posts and hurrying through all kinds of writing at work. And then we don’t communicate clearly and we only make more work for ourselves.

So I’m constantly recommending to people that they slow down. I even wrote a blog post on ways to slow down your life so you can slow down your writing your work.

For me, I’ve long prided myself on adhering to not being sucked into that cult of busy-ness. Back when clients wanted me to use instant messenger, I quickly learned that no, that was just too distracting. And then later it was Slack and I said no to that too. I ignored work emails during evening and weekends.

But then with some health issues I’ve been going through, I figured out that I never applied that principle to my life on the farm. As prideful as I was about not being caught up in corporate craziness in my work world, I just took that cult of busy-ness and I made it how I approach the farm instead, with the cows and the horses and the garden and the dogs and the chickens and everything else that we are trying to get going here starting a small farm.

And then I had my awakening.

I’ve been suffering from chronic nausea for years—literally since we bought this place—and so I finally met with a naturopath to see what help I could get. She listened to me talk for about 20 minutes. Then she looked at me and told me she could tell just by listening to me that I spend all my time in fight or flight and no time in rest and digest.

Does your stomach ever knot up when you hear a big truth being spoken and you know in your core that it’s true? Yeah. That’s what happened.

Her recommendation was so simple. She suggested that I sit down to eat (something I don’t do unless my husband is home) and then I stay sitting for 20 minutes. That is my rest and digest.

Oh my gosh. That one change means I haven’t had nausea since the day of my appointment with her. And I have an appetite again for the first time in years.

This is a huge change in my life. Except it’s not the only change. It’s bigger than that.

Why? Because now this turns into self-examination. I have to look at why do I have to be so busy, why do I have to be so productive, and it gets into this lack of self-worth and the fact that I have to be doing things all the time to prove that I have value.

I said above that I avoided this in my work world, but that wasn’t always true. There was a time when I was part of the cult of busy-ness, carrying around my Blackberry (remember those?) and keeping it next to the bed so I was answering emails at 6:00 a.m. I was a self-employed single mom and people called me the Energizer Bunny because I was always busy doing things, like being the Cub Scout den leader and running and cooking from scratch. And my sense of self-worth came from being that busy. (I likely did some damage to my kids too because of all that, but that’s another story.)

As the kids got older, I managed to step away from that, to recognize I didn’t want to be part of the corporate craziness. But all I did was step into applying the same principles of long to-do lists and days that are far too full to our farm life instead.

So it’s a bigger journey than learning how to slow down and rest and digest because it’s a journey that involves learning to love myself. (Oh my gosh, it’s even hard to type those words.) I have to learn to believe myself worthy, learn to believe myself lovable, even if I’m not getting a bunch of stuff done.

This drive to prove my worth through productivity and long to-do lists has been my experience my whole life. And maybe one of the biggest lessons I’m going to learn from being on the farm is to finally get to a point of acceptance with myself that I’m OK as I am even if I only get three things done in a day instead of 33.

spider and fly — *It’s only when slowing down that you see a spider catch and eat a fly!*

Lucky for me, this new awareness I have of my surroundings will help me slow down. Whether it’s learning about the bird sounds around me with my bird app, noticing a salamander on the trail, or hanging out with a newborn calf, this life offers countless opportunities to slow down and savor (and even to spot a spider catching a fly on the underside of a daisy!).

So, yes, I have reasons and opportunities to slow down, but still, I will struggle with justifying it.

Now, why am I telling you all of this? Because whoever you are and wherever you are in your life, I want you to also know that you have value and worth, even if you go against the cultural norm and you slow down your life. Maybe you aren’t trying to start a small farm, but you’re doing something else, and you are okay if you go at a reasonable pace. You are okay if you quit social media and always being busy. You are okay to slow down.

Because—like me—you too are lovable and worthy, despite your to-do list.

And that’s all for now. 🙂

February 18, 2025 4

Jimmy Carter and My Environmental Awakening—and Disillusionment

Jimmy Carter’s passing has me remembering my environmental awakening in the 1970s—and the disillusionment that has been holding me back…until now.

The Lightbulb Award

The country was in an oil crisis and the President asked people to save energy. Turning off lights was one thing we could easily do.

I was too young to understand the situation, but I did understand turning off lights. And I already had an inkling that we were messing with our planet. Hence my childhood environmental awakening.

From somewhere I got the idea to make a lightbulb award. The idea was to give the award to a family member when they turned off the lights when leaving a room.

So, I made an award, either drawing it or using construction paper, I don’t recall, and I put string on it so it could be hung on a doorknob or hook. I was proud of that award! I thought it was awesome!

I told my family about the award and how they could win it. Then I waited for my family to turn off lights so they could hang the award on their bedroom door.

And I waited.

After a few days of being the only one who turned off lights and therefore the only one who had the award displayed on her bedroom door, I gave up. In other words, I was the only one who gave a &^%.

That was disheartening for a child. I remember my disappointment as if it just happened yesterday, not 50 years ago.

Here I am all these decades later and I still have a lingering sense of isolation, of being someone who is alone in her passion for this planet.

On the other hand, I know that’s not true. So many people are speaking out and encouraging us to do the right thing, from fighting light pollution to planting native plants. I read their books. I know they care. And I do what I can do.

But it’s hard to shake those childhood experiences. I feel isolated still.

Not Any More

But that was then. And now I say no more. I have decided that this year, 2025, I will shake off that disappointment and seek out people who are like me, people who care and who want to make small steps to bring about big change. I have a list of people to reach out to. I will ask them to connect me with others who think like me. I will start attending county and city meetings to speak out.

It’s empowering to make this commitment to myself, to say no, the message I internalized in the 1970s was a false message and to act counter to it.

Looking back on it now, I think I had two kinds of awakenings as a child. The first was to learn that there were steps I could take to make a difference in the world. The second was that most people don’t give a rat’s ass, not even my own family.

And this is the year I prove to myself that my second “awakening” was wrong. Those who care are out there. I will find them. Are you one of them? Let me know. Let’s do this.

And that’s it for now.

Image by upklyak on Freepik

January 18, 2025 0

His Boots, My Boots: What It’s Like to Be the One at Home

My day started with accidentally killing a chicken while moving the chicken tractor. Moving the chicken tractor is a two-person job, but there is only me and I make do. This morning, however, I made death. I didn’t realize I had a chicken trapped until I had already snapped its neck. Lovely.

my boots July 2013 — My rubber boots on the ground, on the green grass of our farm.

This is what it is to be the one at home when a spouse is deployed. You’re alone. Every task falls on your shoulders, all of the grocery shopping and bill paying and car maintenance and parenting and disciplining and lawn mowing and weeding and decision making and cooking and fence moving and illnesses and emergencies and chores and trips to the vet and school events and driving kids around and everything, just everything… It is all you, all the time, and at the end of the day, there’s no hug. If you’re me, there’s usually a glass of wine or two to take the edge off the loneliness and fatigue, but I’d rather have a hug.

I have been wanting to write this post about deployment all summer but haven’t been quite sure how to go about it. The dead chicken brought it about.

The purpose of this post is not to whine, although it might come across that way. No, the purpose of what I am about to say is to raise awareness, because unless you’ve been on the home side of a deployment, there’s no way of knowing what it is like, and it is imperative that you do, because your troops can’t really do their jobs unless they are sure their families at home are okay. And deployments aren’t going to end any time soon. For all I know, they could increase, leaving more families at home with only one parent.

his boots July 2013 — Bob’s combat boots on the ground, on the barren dirt of the Middle East.

What it’s like to have your spouse gone
A deployment is a unique kind of loneliness for the one at home, in part because every task falls on your shoulders and you are obviously alone, but also because you can’t turn to your spouse for support. He or she is busy with other things, plus when you do communicate, you’re dealing with a time difference that means one of you is at the end of your day and tired. Most importantly, you can’t go to your spouse because they will only feel helpless knowing they can’t help with the lame dog, the truck that won’t start or the flooded basement (all things that have happened to me so far this deployment). They don’t need to feel helpless. They need to be focused on their jobs and their safety.

How can you help?
You can’t do anything about the loneliness, but you can make the deployment easier to bear for both the soldier and the spouse. If you know of a family with a deployed spouse, please consider reaching out to them with more than a “How’s so and so?” Military people are a proud bunch. They won’t ask for help. They will (pardon the pun) soldier on because it’s that kind of toughness that’s required to survive, whether you’re the one boots on the ground in the Middle East or the one who’s boots on the ground at home.

It can be really easy to make it easier for the one at home. I’m not asking you to volunteer 5 hours a week of your time, or anything. Just take 2 hours during the 6 or 12 month deployment, just once, to show support. Here are some ideas:

Bring over a pizza to give the person a night off from cooking.
Drop off some home-made cookies.
Offer to mow the lawn.
Run an errand for him or her, or pick up the kids from practice one day.
Ask if there’s anything they need or anything you can do. Don’t worry. They will probably say “no” out of pride, but it will mean the world that you offered.
Pray for the one deployed and don’t stop praying. (Pray for our leaders too, and for all of the troops overseas!)
Ask how the one at home is doing. In many ways, it is harder to be the one at home. People will say, “How’s Bob?” but rarely “How’s Sharon?” when ironically Bob is doing better than Sharon. 🙂
Offer up hugs. Hugs are necessary for everyone’s emotional and physical well being, especially when times are tougher. The good feelings from just one hug can last all day on a really bad day!

Think if everyone did just one small thing for the family at home, how supportive that would be!

The military people are good about checking on each other because they know what it is like, but we need to raise awareness among everyone else in order to really support our troops. I heard from a military friend whose family has been through multiple deployments that during one deployment not a single person checked on their family or asked how they were. That is shameful. That is like pretending nothing is different when everything is. Remember, it’s not just that you’re alone with all of the responsibilities on your shoulders. You’re also living in constant dread of what could happen while he or she is gone, listening to the news, hoping the president doesn’t bomb Syria, hoping nothing goes horribly wrong until your spouse is safely home.

If you really want to support your troops, support the ones at home. When our deployed soldiers can know all is okay at home, they can focus on their jobs. And they are doing one of the most important jobs: Protecting you, your freedom and your way of life!

Meanwhile at the farm
The dead chicken just sucks. It was horrible to realize what I’d done–causing an animal to suffer pain and fear–plus it bothers me that all the money spent on food and time spent moving that tractor around and keep them dry and warm, well, I just lost us money to boot.

Now, if I were a real farmer, I’d have cleaned up that chicken and plucked it and cooked it. But I don’t know how to clean it. Bob always does that part, and I only do the plucking and final cleaning. Nor do I have time to figure it out, because–as this post says earlier–everything is on my shoulders and I simply don’t have time.

At least it was fairly quick and it didn’t suffer too horribly long. I cried for far longer than the chicken suffered. And I apologize if this comes across as a whiney post and not the awareness raising one I was hoping to write. I am just too spent to not whine, I guess. 🙂

September 20, 2013 23